Heartbreaking

I've been avoiding writing anything about my dad up to this point for a few reasons: 1) I didn't want to have a "poor me" attitude, 2) It's difficult to talk about, 3) I've been in denial.
So, here is the situation...
My dad has bone cancer. He was diagnosed in 2004. The doctor told him then that he would live 3-5 years, and if he had a stem cell transplant he would live up to 7 years.
My dad experienced the excruciating pain of chemo and a stem cell transplant. He's gone through periods of good health and very poor health. He's never complained about this roller coaster. He's always had his feet firmly planted in the gospel. He'll wake up early to read his scriptures and write in his journal. He's an amazing person, and he's always seemed larger than life, heroic, and invincible.
But, he is going to die soon. He's been in the hospital 2 times in the past 3 weeks and each time the nurses and doctor were convinced he wouldn't make it out alive. But, my dad is a fighter--the hardest worker I've ever known--yet, you can only cheat death for so long.
Knowing someone is going to die never makes it easier, and being able to say goodbye doesn't make it easier either. How do you look at someone who has influenced your whole life and tell them what they mean to you? Words can't describe.
I'm so thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know my dad will be a missionary (a great one!) in the next life. And I know that I will see him again...but that doesn't erase the sadness and loss I know I will feel because I feel the pain now.
Why do I write this? Because I know to talk about it after he dies will be even harder. But, when I look at him, I don't see fear. I'm not trying to be pessimistic or wish his life away. My point is...he's lived a great life, and I will miss him.

This reminds me of a poem my dad has quoted:
"I love life, and I want to live
To drink of life's fullness, take all it can give.
I love life, every moment must count.
To glory in it's sunshine and revel in it's fount.
I love life.
I want to live.
I love life."

I shouldn't brag...but I will anyway! :)

Doesn't it feel great when you set a goal and accomplish it?! I feel so friggin' good right now!!!
For the past few months I have been training to run a 1/2 marathon in Springville. Saturday was the big race day! So, before the race I was talking to Rocky about my goal for the race. I told him that I wanted to run it in under 2 hours. He is a very smart guy, and he told me that it always helps him to imagine accomplishing your goals. So, he had me close my eyes and visualize the race. He took me through the race step by step, and finished with "and you'll even complete the race faster than you thought. You will finish in 1 hour and 45 minutes." I felt a huge weight on my shoulders when he said that! At the time I really wished he wouldn't have said that!
But...I kept that visualization in my mind. I didn't want to set myself up for failure so I made a plan A,B, and C (as suggested by my amazing marathoner sister Lynette). What do ya know--I finished in 1:44:50! :) That's an 8 minute mile, baby! :) Am I sore? OH YEAH! But, do I feel awesome? HECK YES!!
Now, I've gotta go repent for being prideful and bragging! haha













Little Lynette and me after the race. P.S. She finished in 1:34--What a rock star! :)