I've been avoiding writing anything about my dad up to this point for a few reasons: 1) I didn't want to have a "poor me" attitude, 2) It's difficult to talk about, 3) I've been in denial.
So, here is the situation...
My dad has bone cancer. He was diagnosed in 2004. The doctor told him then that he would live 3-5 years, and if he had a stem cell transplant he would live up to 7 years.
My dad experienced the excruciating pain of chemo and a stem cell transplant. He's gone through periods of good health and very poor health. He's never complained about this roller coaster. He's always had his feet firmly planted in the gospel. He'll wake up early to read his scriptures and write in his journal. He's an amazing person, and he's always seemed larger than life, heroic, and invincible.
But, he is going to die soon. He's been in the hospital 2 times in the past 3 weeks and each time the nurses and doctor were convinced he wouldn't make it out alive. But, my dad is a fighter--the hardest worker I've ever known--yet, you can only cheat death for so long.
Knowing someone is going to die never makes it easier, and being able to say goodbye doesn't make it easier either. How do you look at someone who has influenced your whole life and tell them what they mean to you? Words can't describe.
I'm so thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know my dad will be a missionary (a great one!) in the next life. And I know that I will see him again...but that doesn't erase the sadness and loss I know I will feel because I feel the pain now.
Why do I write this? Because I know to talk about it after he dies will be even harder. But, when I look at him, I don't see fear. I'm not trying to be pessimistic or wish his life away. My point is...he's lived a great life, and I will miss him.
This reminds me of a poem my dad has quoted:
"I love life, and I want to live
To drink of life's fullness, take all it can give.
I love life, every moment must count.
To glory in it's sunshine and revel in it's fount.
I love life.
I want to live.
I love life."
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Heartbreaking
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21 comments:
I am just grateful that I have such great siblings! I couldn't do this alone! Love you Heather!
Oh Heather, I have never met your Dad, but I have heard so many great things about him. This is a pain I know nothing about, so I dont know what to say other than I am sorry. Keep his memory alive by continuing his legacy!
Heather, Your dad sounds like an amazing man. I felt bad last night after talking to you that I didn't say what I should have. I remember the pain I had and that you have now and I feel bad that I didn't just give you a hug last night. I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now. It is a really hard thing to do. My memories are flooding back to me now and my heart aches for you. I love you and I will keep praying for you and your family.
You have a wonderful family. I don't think your father will need words, he sees how you act, how you've "grown up", how you raise your children, how you are as a wife. I'm sure he couldn't be prouder and he has got to know what an amazing influence he has been in your life. Be strong.
Oh Heather! My heart is breaking for you. I cannot imagine! I pray that you will find the peace and comfort you need at this difficult time! Let me know if there is anything you need!!
OH Heather, your family has been in my thoughts and prayers a lot these last few weeks. I've been reading the updates from Heidi's blog. I think you are such an amazing person and I know you will be strong through this whole thing. Your dad is such an amazing person. I love those pictures you just took with him, you will cherish those forever. Sending all my love and prayers to you and your family.
Heather, I can't imagine. My heart breaks for you. You are an amazing person, and Heavenly Father will bless you through all this. You are in my prayers.
Love you Heather! My sister in law had bone cancer and so I know how hard it is to watch, knowing it is out of your hands. My heart goes out to you!
Your family is the most amazing family I have ever known. And it is owed to your amazing dad and mom. I will never forget growing up a little in your house and just admiring the spirit and the love that was always there. Your dad has lived a perfect life and raised one amazing family. All I can think about is that with what he has done here on this earth- it is amazing to think of what he will be able to do beyond his restrictions here. You are definetly in our prayers!
That is heartbreaking, Heather. I can't even imagine what your family is feeling and all the emotions. I absolutely adore your Dad. He is the kindest person I think I have ever met. I will always remember him bustin a move at my wedding reception. He will be missed by all who knew him. He has influenced my entire family. I think all my Brothers went back to the "home" ward a couple weeks ago to hear him speak. I wish you and your family all the love and strength to get through this difficult time. Love you Heather!
Heather, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I wish I could give you a hug. Your family is in our prayers. I miss you!!
It makes me so sad that your family has to go through such a difficult trial. Over the last couple years I have realized that Heavenly Father takes some of his best to help him with his work on the other side. How aweful for us but it is comforting to know of His plan. I hope you continue to find strength in Him.
This was beautiful. Your dad really is incredible. He has lived a life full of service and dedication to the Lord. And his legacy will continue. I know he has blessed my life immensely. You and your whole family will be in my prayers. Loves!
That is such a great post. I know that with the gospel in your life, you can feel the peace you need to feel whatever happens. That's why the atonement is such a blessing in our life because christ can take away all of our pain and sorrow and fill it with joy. I never met your dad but by how great you are, I'm sure he is a wonderful man. Let me know if you need anything! Miss you guys!
Heather your such an amazing person and come from an amazing family. Your dad is one of the best and has blessed so many lives. i'm so sorry you are going through this. Let me know if you need anything ever. you and your family are in our prayers.
i love you heather, it was good to see you a couple weeks ago! i can't imagine how you are feeling, but you know you have got a mob of support behind you. your dad is one of the most amazing men i know, and it breaks my heart. I have always loved his spirit and testimony. such an amazing example of the kind of man i want by my side as i go through life and into the eternities.
Heather,
I always think of you and your dad when I drive by Dad's truck stop. I am going to Idaho tomorrow. I will keep my eyes open for it. He does have a wonderful family to support him. I am sure it has been challenging. I remember when you first found out.
My dad has cancer too. His is prostate cancer which is very common but it is pretty far along. He is doing well and responding to treatment.
I wish you well. I will be thinking of you.
Katrina
I feel so blessed to have had the chance to know him. He is such a wonderful man. He'll be leaving an amazing legacy behind. We love your family and will continue to pray for you all.
Hey Heather.....sorry this is SO late but thanks again for dropping me off at the Air Port on your way home. It helped us out a lot. It was fun to visit!!! Hope you guys are doing well and hope we'll see you soon, BUT not too soon!
Love ya,
Nichole
Heather, I just heard about your Father passing. I'm so sorry for you and your family. I know it has to be so hard. But I'm sure your Dad is happy to be where he is and out of all his pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family. We all loved him and all of you.
Hey Heather. This is Heidi, Vance's wife. I found your blog and just wanted to wish you the best at this hard time. Your dad has blessed the lives of MANY and will always be remembered. He's a legacy. We weren't in the ward long, but I felt of his spirit and love. Your parents are awesome! Love them! Take care!
Our blog, if you want it. =) shurtliff-family.blogspot.com
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